Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
then he tried to convert me to islam
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
