omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
