My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
