can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
