Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize