I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
