dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
