omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
