what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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