why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
