You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
