They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
