You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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