So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
