Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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