I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
