Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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