They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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