Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
