During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize