Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
