I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
