she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
