"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
