Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
