dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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