Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Too much gin, very little bucket
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
