he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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