I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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