are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
