Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
