Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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