Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I believe in your delicious
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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