I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
