I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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