Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
