I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
