Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of course I have a pirate flag
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
