I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
did you just send me my own nude
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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