Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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