About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
