The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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