Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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