I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
