you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
