I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
