we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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