Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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