The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
