I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
