yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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