I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
