Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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