Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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