omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
