Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
