and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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