Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
