Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
