And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
