chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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