Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
