stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
