dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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