My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
