Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
