Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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