She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
