The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
