She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
