2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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