You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
