i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
