I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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