Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
