Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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