My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize